Disappointment – How To Deal with It

Over the years dealing with my mental instabilities I have learned to self evaluate and diagnose before heading/calling my therapist. Therapy is expensive so knowing some of the issues you are facing helps reduce the hours you are to spend in the chair.

One of the things that I struggle with is dealing with disappointment.

Disappointment to me is this uncomfortable feeling of loss that leaves a semi painful gap between what I wanted to get and what I got. That gap between my reality and expectation, which limit my happy mood and sense of fulfillment. This tends to happen mainly if I have been working hard to achieve something and don’t get it or I delegated to someone some work with the hope of them seeing it through with no loopholes, only for them to come back with ‘news’. [Insert anger emoji with fire coming out of its eyes]

I tend to freeze, feel a rage building up in me and then I go numb. Tears start to form. Most times I find myself in the bathroom crying or back in my bed to sleep and wake up again to face my reality. Other times my therapist talks me out of it.

Recently Disappointment walked in a grey suit, it wanted to play but I wasn’t going to allow it. I remembered my successful experiences with it and used them against it. These experiences included me enjoying what’s happening at the moment that is not related to the disappointment because its moment had already shifted. My focus shifted to what was next, what can be done then and I aimed to have a much more lasting effect on my overall happiness with the present mood. Focusing on how I wanted to feel in the moment, rather than how I believe I should feel due to the disappointment was a game-changer at taking back my moment.

Also, realizing that some of my expectations about how things should happen, influenced by my set standards that are at times very limitive, focused me. Things like timed goals, and how if their deadlines are not met I get disappointed—what’s more, I start a blame game in my head – I didn’t give it my whole, so and so delayed it, there was that part I should have done by myself – with all those negative thoughts I end up inviting anxiety to the party.

However, being open to possibilities even if it takes practice helps but most times I run to it after flooding in tears – when disappointment is already enjoying its cup of tea at my expense. This is when I go to God in tears and ask him the whys. Meditating on His word I find myself again and build tolerance for the overwhelming emotions and create openness for new possibilities. 

Lastly, I try sitting for 10 minutes with the intention of letting go of my expectations, buy a heavy meal, and indulge myself. While at it, I am observing how my mind reflexively searches for reasons, plans, and schemes of action. As these thoughts arise, intentionally (and gently) let go of them, and simply allow yourself to be without needing to do or get anything. After 10 minutes of letting go of expectations, you might feel refreshed and may be able to see things differently.