“All of our children’s future intimate moments will be effected by and can be ruined by every wrong decision we make.”
Whether you realize it or not, we are all engaged in a war. Some of us are bystanders who don’t even know it’s happening. Some of us haven’t chosen a side yet. But the battle lines have been clearly drawn. The war is being waged over our kids’ minds. The two sides are: those policy makers who would expose our kids to everything that is out there versus those who feel kids should not be allowed to become entrenched in what has become our completely “sexualised” culture until they are of a legal age and have reached full brain development and are prepared for it.
When we read news headlines where the government and policy makers are thinking of distributing contraceptives to our 12 year old daughters, you’d think the war would be simple. Speaking in tactical terms, you’d just obliterate the enemy, and may be wish such information should never be told to your innocent daughter, right? But it’s not that easy.
New outcroppings and underground groups pop up every day. Last year (2016), we were faced with a similar struggle when policy makers introduced a discussion of teaching Comprehensive Sexuality Education in Primary Schools. When the general public learnt about this unfair proposal, my friends at Family Life Network led a good, powerful campaign and fought against this programme until it was dropped. The underground organizations that had introduced Comprehensive Sexuality Education C.S.E did not go for vacation after losing that war. Since then, they have been thinking of ways to penetrate our children’s lives by making possible attempts. Many of you might not realize but they’re the same organizations that have brought forth the idea of distributing Contraceptives for 12 year old girls in schools.
Since, I heard this, many questions have been in my mind. What exactly is going on with our lovely nation- Uganda? What exactly are these people seeking to gain by destroying our children under the pretext of preventing child pregnancy? How much longer are they willing to push the boundary line? How much more are they willing to provoke us and finally how long are we (parents) going to keep quite? Are we going to keep looking-on without taking action?
Let’s first look in terms of contraceptives that are being talked about. By definition, the contraceptive pill, often referred to as the birth control pill or colloquially as “the pill”, is a birth control method that includes a combination of an estrogen and a progesterone.
These pills are sold anywhere and basically any girl anywhere can buy these pills and make use of them without anyone stopping her.
The truth is that, we can’t destroy contraceptives or take them out of the market such that our innocent daughters don’t access to them. But we as parents having heard this crazy idea, we should know that we have a strong influence over a resource the opposition- the Comprehensive Sexuality Organizations- desperately needs: a young,
impressionable audience. These opposition organizations are constantly looking for our kids’ undeveloped minds to corrupt.
We can minimize the damages of this war by ensuring that our children especially daughters don’t become one of the casualties. That’s why teaching healthy sexuality is so important. Because we can’t stop them from being exposed to the war, or being given contraceptives but we can prepare them to fight and say “NO”.
Some of you may not care, some of you use contraceptives, and that’s your prerogative. But here are the questions-and this is the main questions- the “pick which side you’re going to fight for in this war” questions;
Doesn’t your daughter-when she is grown- deserve a genuine woman experience? Doesn’t your daughter deserve to have a true, bona fide first time knowledge and make that decision herself either to use these pills or not?
Doesn’t your daughter deserve to decide what kind of womanhood experience she’s
comfortable with instead of letting the policy makers dictate that for her?
Yes, it’s true that there’s an ever-increasing number of teenage pregnancies in our nation, but that cannot be a reason enough to start introducing innocent girls to contraceptives at such a curious age. Don’t all adolescent girls deserve to grow and develop a healthy sexual attitude of on their own terms?
In the society in which we currently exist, it’s damn near impossible. Because we have a generation of policy makers seated in high places who think that the only way to avoid teenage pregnancies is by introducing “pills”. Very soon you will hear the same people and the same organizations proposing to distribute condoms to the 11 year old boys.
So what exactly will happen? Will you blame or punish a 12 year old girl and an 11 year old boy who will be caught having sex at the back of the classroom block? Will you blame boys who will continuously sexually- harass girls in their class? How will we be able to condemn these promiscuous behaviors in our children when we’re the same society that gave them a green-card to go on and do it? What will you tell your 10 year old boy and 07 year old girl about sex?
Wake up Ugandan parents and prove that you still have a sense of parenting in you. Rise up!! By providing “pills” and “condoms” to eliminate any risks of getting pregnant we’re incubating immorality for that will be seen hatching-out in the next 40 years.
So many of us want to believe it won’t “be my child” who will be using “pills” or buying
“condoms” in p.6, but it will be, unless you rise-up and fight the good fight.
We can educate ourselves, we can educate our kids especially about what is being thrown at them by these underground organizations. We can empower our daughters with the knowledge they need to reject contraceptives and the sexual-culture being promoted and teach them to make good, healthy decisions for their sexual well-being.
HOW SHOULD WE DO IT?
The most important thing is teaching our children to develop a healthy sexual attitude or Healthy Sexuality. The first step in teaching anything is understanding it as a parent. You can’t teach what you don’t know. Give time and understand the concept and when you have fully understood it, then you can start sharing with your daughters about the TRUTH.
1. Use your influence to talk to them according to their ages:
When parents talk to and affirm the value of their children, young people are more likely to develop positive, healthy attitudes about themselves. When parents talk, the message sinks deeper. This is also true when the subject is sex, pills, condoms and abstinence is talked about by parents themselves. Research shows that positive communication between parents and their children can help young people establish individual values and make healthy decisions. (Advocates for Youth, 2008)
2. Have a positive attitude when talking about these touchy issues:
One of the most important things we can do as parents is to remove the “shame stigma” from such subjects and learn to talk or discuss them with our growing sons and daughters. Let’s stop acting like there is something shameful in just talking about sex or anything related to it?
Don’t be ashamed to say the word “sex” to a p3, p.4 child. Use it in everyday language with your kids so they get comfortable with it. You don’t have to use big meanings, you can start slowly like, “What sex is the dog?” “Has the doctor determined the sex of the baby yet?” “Does the movie have sexual content?” Use it at your discretion and age appropriately. Explain that it is to be used appropriately and in the right context; but that there is nothing shameful or dirty about the word “sex” itself.
3. Don’t eliminate God in this process. Always make God a part of the conversation.
Once a person has reached an appropriate age to begin a sexual relationship, if he or she has a healthy sexual attitude, having sex should come with emotions attached. That’s how God created mankind. This is impossible if that person has been raised on a steady diet of porn or poisonous information about pills and condoms. If we teach our kids that there is a natural progression to love and intimacy in adult relationships, we are on the right track. This starts with being expressive and affectionate in our family relationships and teaching our kids what is appropriate affection and with whom according to the plan of God.
When talking to our children about this sensitive subject it’s imperative that we teach them what God says about sex, marriage, abortion, pills, condoms and anything related. Regardless of what religion you come from, you must show your children the foundation of God’s word in relation to sex. Show them that sex is a gift given by God, to be enjoyed by two people who’re married (Man & woman not man & man or woman & woman). Show and teach them that sex should be enjoyed with the person you love at the right time and certainly school time is not the right time.
Show them that God never intended sex to be a casual thing and so it shouldn’t be taken lightly by having it with anyone you meet.
4. Start singing that ABSTINENCE-Song to your children.
The world doesn’t want your children to abstain from sex. In fact these underground
organizations have a hidden agenda to promote promiscuity and abortion such that they can make much more money in their “slaughter” houses disguised as clinics. The subject of giving contraceptives to your children is not merely an intellectual debate about children and what is in their best interest.
No, the topic is highly inflammatory. That’s why such groups become incensed when the word abstinence is even mentioned. Those groups that come masquerading as activists to prevent teen pregnancies, are not entirely after that. They come with tag lines of “safe-sex” as they’re giving-out condoms and immoral advice to our nation’s teens. They know that the only way to make money and to keep in business is by having lots and lots of teens become immoral, and have sex without limit. That’s why they don’t want to talk about the A- word called ABSTINENCE. Think about it. When the teens in Uganda abstain from premarital sex, who will buy their contraceptives? How will they stay in business without demand?
Wake –up, wake-up and think harder!! As a parent, you should never be afraid of talking about ABSTINENCE. Make it your song in your family every holiday and explain to your children that keeping oneself for the future is the way to go. There’s nothing shaming about it. Show your children that when one chooses to abstain, there won’t be any use of pills, condoms, and abortions. Don’t be afraid of preaching the ABSTINENCE message.
In his book PARENTING ISN’T FOR COWARDS, Dr. James Dobson explains that “enhancing your relationship with your children will prepare you to talk about anything without fear or guilt.”
In my outreach work to many schools, I have met boys and girls who have shared with me that they hate being virgins and that their peers laugh at them at the mere mention of the word virginity. As a parent, start early to show and teach your children how precious and honorable it is to be a virgin. Base on the scripture and show how God loves and honors virgins.
Mary was a virgin and she got the best prize of being the mother of Jesus. The five virgin (wise) girls who preserved their oil at the wedding are the ones that entered and saw the bridegroom enjoying the wedding feast. The foolish ones missed it as they “were not ready”.
In fact Matthew 25 clearly puts it that “they were locked out”. Show your children that there’s a greater prize in abstaining and keeping a virgin. When you take a pledge to be a virgin you won’t need contraceptives.
Talk with your kids. Often and much. When they are ready, tell them how amazing and
extraordinary abstinence can be. Fight for your kids to have the authentic intimate experience they deserve. An experience where they truly know what sex was made for and the responsibilities that come from it. If you can achieve this, then our children will have escaped this war unscathed.
About the Writer
Godfrey KUTEESA is the founder Godfrey Kuteesa Foundation with projects like Mothers Raising Future Leaders -Sons and Boys’ Mentorship Programme Uganda.
He is a strong believer in God, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, a sexual purity activist hater of porn and its vices.