Clocks had stopped ticking,
The cursors had stopped blinking.
I was suddenly hollow;
I saw my frame for what it was-
A bottomless pit of nothingness
I’d tried to fill up all my life
With things and experiences.

_____  from a 2014 poem called Death by Nevender 

Yesterday I had one of those episodes where I was raging, I was fuming like a dragon I would have burnt anything in my way if I opened my mouth.

I longed for you, to listen to your counsel to have you say ‘it’s well, Kahill’. I went through my WhatsApp chats looking for the messages you sent me when I last had the same episode.

I found where you said, “Doesn’t our God get angry? Shouldn’t His children too? Let it out, child of God. Rage and destroy, fight if you have to but remember your Father is also just,  merciful, kind and loving. Take the war to him, do the Jacob and wrestle, let him break your hip but wage war”

To God, I went and with God, I found my peace.  I miss you Nev. I miss you praying with and for me. Sharing and quoting scriptures.

Death,the bottomless pit thought it had won. It didn’t know that you had already done the work to keep you alive forever. And forever you are. We have the happy hour today as the Blogging Community, I am scared of going but I promised Crystal that I will be her date.

It’s no longer as painful as before, the HolySpirit has been around to guide me all through the walls, rocks and valleys. Thank you for teaching me so well.


Patricia Kahill

Patricia Kahill is a multipotentialite Christian entrepreneur founder of the 8 years old Digital Marketing agency, Kahill Insights Company Limited that helps business owners create engaging and interactive content items for digital platforms with a focus on return on investment. Patricia is currently the producer of SlamDunk Basketball Talk a show on House of Talent online TV, a fellow at Harvest Institute for leadership, and alumni of the YELP class of 2017. She is driven by passion and curiosity with an ambition of stamping her footprint on the world.

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